March 2nd, 2011
Anger is a natural human emotion that can have terribly destructive consequences. But it can also become a powerful motivation for change if respectfully explored. Especially in our contemporary society, aggression and anger are common place. For many men it is actually encouraged and valued. However, physical and emotional violence often become the bitter fruit of anger. It’s easy to get stuck in anger.
The notion of anger management has been in vogue for many years now.
Court-ordered anger management is a typical referral that I see in my counseling practice. These legal directives often follow domestic violence charges or assault convictions. Unconscious anger all too often leads to failed relationships and serious (and expensive) social costs. These costs are profound yet entirely avoidable. I can accommodate court mandated anger evaluations.
I prefer to work from the perspective of developing anger awareness. By exploring the roots of anger, we can begin to understand that there are many options to acting out angrily. We can begin to see that anger is often a consequence of poor communication skills. Understanding anger requires compassion and insight. Sometimes anger is an authentic response to pressures of living in a society that is speedy and aggressive.
The key to discovering healthy anger is learning how to become responsive and not merely reactive.
Nonviolent Communication (NVC) offers a powerful, accessible communication alternative to the destructive consequences of anger. I teach and utilize these skills in the therapeutic setting.
Mindfulness-based cognitive therapy seeks to educate and train clients in techniques of self-awareness. We can develop the capacity to recognize and mediate various emotional states, understanding that anger is merely one emotional option. Learning self-reflection skills leads to genuine anger management.
Meditation practice is a practical foundation for developing insight about anger. We can discover that anger is often the result of unresolved disappointment, sadness, and grief. Working through these more complex emotions can be satisfying and liberating. It is a great relief to discover that we don’t have to be ruled by anger. I offer meditation instruction to clients when it is appropriate.